Bad Life Decisions: Mary Robinette Kowal Reads Theodore Beale. Sexily.

Written by Natalie Luhrs

I'm a lifelong geek with a passion for books and social justice.

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December 11, 2015

Doof Warrior

As promised at the conclusion of the fundraiser, here is Mary Robinette Kowal reading snippets from Theodore Beale’s Eternal Warriors™: War In Heaven in a very, very sexy voice.


But wait! There’s more! Could this possibly be a DANCE REMIX? I dare say that this is as fine a piece of music as anything theat Psychosonik ever released.


As for the other two books I was going to read, I have a confession to make: I don’t know if that’s going to happen and I feel terrible about it but here’s why: I started reading the second book and taking notes and it rapidly became clear that the plot of the second book was going to involve a school shooting and I just couldn’t find it in myself to even try to find anything funny about it.

I hope y’all understand.

As for comments–any trollish bullshit may end up recorded as phone sex. Just saying.

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  1. Steve

    That was awesomely horrible. As a reminder for anyone else who (like me…) didn’t donate yet, RAINN is the charity for this effort.

  2. Jeremy Brett

    Bravo on posting this. It was an inspired idea. 🙂

  3. dkscully

    This is too, too wonderful.

  4. redheadedfemme


    Can I nominate this for Best Related Work?? 😀

    • Natalie Luhrs

      I’ll just point out that the entire project is eligible in that category.

  5. Mary Robinette Kowal

    I’ll also just point out that, in the case of performed work, the writer would get the nomination for Best Related Work.

    • redheadedfemme


      Whoops. Forget that, then. I’ll just content myself with saying that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in ages. Bravo.

  6. Consumer Unit 5012

    I just spent an hour or two reading through the entire Bad Life Decision. You poor, poor person. But I salute your suffering for our amusement, because it’s vastly more entertaining than this dog-egg of a book would be to read.

    This whole story reads like something a Chuunibyou would write in his notebook when he should be paying attention in Algebra class. (Which would certainly explain the slapdash worldbuilding, unrestrained power-tripping, and bizarre theology.)

    I’m deeply disappointed that neither of the sisters yelled “I’M TELLING MOM!” at our dipstick main character, but I’m pretty sure that would require more humor than Beale possesses or could cope with in his Very Serious Story.

  7. NelC

    Wouldn’t it be funny, though, if the closest Beale ever got to winning a Hugo was getting fifth place for a spoof reading of his book?

  8. little Alex

    Oh, good Lord, that was more hilarious than I know how to describe. I was laughing so hard. And a little turned on. Guiltily so.


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