Bad Life Decisions: Make Me Read Theodore Beale

Written by Natalie Luhrs

I'm a lifelong geek with a passion for books and social justice. Fuck around and find out.

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May 28, 2015

While I was at Balticon this past weekend, my husband sent me a text message.  It was a picture of a book.  It was horrifying.  It was this:

War in Heaven, Theodore Beale

Reader, I asked him to buy it.

Why, you ask?

So you can help me raise some money for RAINN (or a charity in your country which does the same sort of work).  For every $5 donated to RAINN, I will read and  live tweet one page of this 399 page delight with the hashtag #readingVD. I’ll also re-publish the tweets and add additional commentary by chapter here at Pretty Terrible–those’ll go up as I finish each chapter (there are 29 chapters in the book, as well as a prologue and an author’s note).

However, I’m not going to read any of it until we’ve raised at least $500–and I’d like to raise that by June 11.  If we manage to raise $2,000 I will read the entirety of Theodore Beale’s Eternal Warriors™: The War in Heaven™.

Here’s the back cover copy:

Mariel thought she was the guardian angel of an ordinary boy–until the night an army of fallen angels took an unholy interest in her charge. Overcome by an angel prince of awesome power, Mariel can only watch as an even greater terror descends upon Christopher’s home then vanishes with him.

Christopher had never believed in angels, or even in God, Heaven, or Hell. But he had never imagined an angel like Kaym, with his hard-core style, terrible beauty, and distinctly unangelic disposition. Kaym has important friends and incredible power of his own–power that Christopher can share, if he’ll join their fellowship and take up their crusade.

And Christopher is willing. He’s tired of following all the rules, and being Kaym’s friend comes with some very appealing perks. In fact, once he has wings and the ability to fly, storming the gates of Heaven sounds like a lot of fun. Still, when he discovers his slightly out-of-favor angels are just as happy to be called demons, even Christopher becomes a bit disturbed…

Sounds super-great and awesome, yes? Cannot wait to find out what Kaym’s “hard-core style” is. One can hope it’s a Metallica t-shirt, black jeans, and a mullet.

So how is this going to work?  Pretty simple: make a donation to RAINN for at least $5 and send proof of your donation (along with the amount of your donation) to mercurysalts at pretty-terrible dot com and I’ll update the total amount raised below. If we hit $500 on or before June 11, I’ll start reading.

I’ll even make the first donation myself.

Donations to RAINN: $5,125/$2,000

Okay then! Looks like this thing is HAPPENING.  If you want me to read the entire book, we still need to raise $2,000.  Or, you know, more. More is good, as RAINN does necessary and important work.

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"It's chaos, be kind."
Michelle McNamara