This is pretty much how I feel.
It’s that time again. Time for two more chapters of Theodore Beale’s Eternal Warriors™: The War in Heaven™. As of this writing, we are but a mere $315 away from me having to read the Whole Damn Thing.
And don’t forget the nifty-awesome stretch goal!
#readingVD I just looked at my calendar. I'm going to be doing this 2x a week for the next month if we hit goal.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
Chapter 11: People of the Dawn
#readingVD Chapter 11: People of the Dawn. Epigraph from Isaiah.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD And we're back to Rahab and the twins' POV. Yay.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Oh, crap. No we aren't. It's more Chris POV and we have a Warhammer reference on the first page of chapter.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD The residents are a "proud, haughty folk, devoted to pleasure above all else." Drugs and orgies, I hope.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD apparently there have been DAYS of riotous celebrations in the wake of Adonai Lucere's victory.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD can we please please please pick ONE NAME for this dude and stick with it? Do we have to have a new title EVERY CHAPTER?
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Okay, so they are…someplace that is not Earth. I do not understand this cosmology at all.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD this is a world populated by men but it's full of Lucifer-worshippers or something, so CONFUSED.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Chris may slowly be coming to the conclusion that Kaym is using him for his…key. No shit, Sherlock.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Apparently Kaym's arm tattoos are shiny. The light hitting them makes them look like blood.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Kaym is now pontificating about Leviathan and Behemoth. I don't care.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD "Christopher could almost see the vivid picture Kaym described." Because telling, not showing is the way to go.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Hey, wait a minute. Kaym is saying that Leviathan = Iormungandr and okay, fine but WHERE IS THOR?
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD So they are at Matraya's palace (mortal king that Lucifer really likes or something) and he's losing his shit.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Losing his shit over something which happened off-page and which hasn't even been mentioned until now.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD This is STELLAR writing yes indeed it is.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Apparently Asrael means to go back to heaven or something.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD I am pretending he means this Azrael. pic.twitter.com/GxgM9JvNb0
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Matraya is whining about not having enough fallen angels to fight Heaven. Because that's all anyone does in this book. Whine.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD of course, Chris has a brilliant idea and thinks that the fallen should do to the mortals of Rahab what Kaym did to him.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD thereby making MOAR WARRIORS FOR LUCIFER.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD And Kaym has just suggested letting Leviathan loose. This seems like an excellent idea.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 24, 2015
#readingVD Um. Um. So apparently the sharing of power might actually be a sex-thing? It's hard to tell.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD This does sound kind of sexual. pic.twitter.com/oAWdpRs7el
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Alas, Chris won't get to find out, as he's goingto go help release Leviathan.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD At any rate, Chris is sad that, yet again, he hasn't been invited to a good party.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD and apparently Verchiel–the fallen angel that Chris killed–was a Zodiac Lord. So astrology is real? SO CONFUSED.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Ack ack ack. So Chris is supposed to be helping Jehuel free Leviathan (Jehuel was possessing Matraya's body, now Kaym has it)
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD BUT he did get to see some of the "testing" on power-transference and notes that Kaym's better than the others.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD and now they're going to free Leviathan and he's scared and trying to figure out who to pray too since he's on LUCIFER'S TEAM.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Chris knows that the Bible says that Satan & Lucifer are the same, but he knows that Lucifer isn't a pitchfork wielding evil-doer
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD so he decides that's who he's going to pray to.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Oh, wait. Rahab and this whole other planet are not of the material world.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD This is where I wonder if this is the same world that Sandy & Denys go to in L'Engle's Many Waters.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD wait, maybe this isn't a spiritual plane? Because they can shift between the two?
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD the worldbuilding is total shit in this book. Total shit. Nothing makes sense.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD and there's a seductive voice trying to make Chris give in to the LAKE OF FIRE. YES PLEASE. GIVE IN.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD This is troubling. Very troubling. "Thickly liquid splash." Ew. pic.twitter.com/ltWVeAhFyL
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
Seriously, I cannot even with this chapter. It’s word-soup. Beale is writing this assuming that the reader knows a lot of the background to the cosmological concepts he’s presenting and, well, no. This reader doesn’t and this reader knows a fair bit about the general shape of premillenial dispensationalism if not the specifics. This chapter, in particular, needs a lot more fleshing out of what exactly is going on and how all these different things fit together. Because it really just doesn’t make sense to me.
Again, I boggle that this book was published by Pocket Books. What were they smoking when they acquired it?
Chapter 12: Jaws of the Wicked
#readingVD Chapter 12: Jaws of the Wicked. Epigraph from Job.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD THIS is a Jami & Holli chapter. Jami wakes up, is enthusiastically hugged by her sister & meets Khasar. Who is REALLY nice.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Jami and Holli both have crushes on Khasar. Of course they do. Of course.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Khasar has been ordered to take them to the Tower of Qawah, whatever the fuck that is.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Trying to find what Qawah means. Can't find much, but it might have something to do with the evangelical obsession w/ Israel.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD I suspect it's a bad or archaic transliteration of a Hebrew word, which is why I can't figure it out.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Huh, apparently Khasar's form as a lion is blue. & he flies. They're riding him to see the lady of the mysterious Tower of Qawah.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD The Tower of Qawah is super far away over mountains and it's cold & Khasar just complained that the twins are too heavy. SHUT UP.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD as they're flying on the dragon, they get attacked! By either an ice ~wyrm~ or a ~dreki~ (italics in text).
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD ~Dreki~ are evil flying snake-things. Who shoot ice bolts.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD The flying snake that shoots ice thing's name is LORD BILE.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD and apparently he and Khasar used to be friends but NO MORE. Also he's a rattlesnake. A flying rattlesnake that shoots ice bolts.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Lord Bile wants Khasar to just give him the children (Holli & Jami) and Khasar is all nope you ugly mofo at him and then…
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD Lord Bile transforms into a totally hot lady-angel. But still evil.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD I feel like perhaps Khasar and Lord Bile used to date and had a really terrible break up.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD This totally sounds like a bad break up. pic.twitter.com/ooGpwDsbTq
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD When Lord Bile is in snake form, he's a he. When in demon-angel form, a she. Lord Bile is genderfluid! (Ignore the evil part?)
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
(What I was trying to say here is that Beale uses different pronouns for this character in different forms: he/it for the snake form, she for the demon-angel form. Which is vaguely interesting? But still not that interesting.)
#readingVD more chasing, Lord Bile is catching up to Khasar, he tells the girls to pray, Jami doesn't want to until he FREEZES HER PONYTAIL.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD so then she prays and then is disappointed when nothing happens.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD but wait! just when all hope is los! Trumpets sound and Lord Bile is STRUCK BY LIGHTNING.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD AND WE HAVE ANGEL-SIGN. 12 angels riding raging steeds of fire, here to kick ass and take names.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD the angels rout Lord Bile, but it mostly happens off-page (of course)
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD The last page of the chapter is Khasar asking Jami if she's okay and grabbing her injured arm and making her queasy w/ pain
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD The last image we have is Jami passing out while an unnamed woman soothes her brow.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
#readingVD and that is it for this week and I am at page 192. This book sucks.
— Natalie Luhrs is a Hugo Finalist! (@eilatan) June 25, 2015
Chapter 12 was a little bit easier to get through than Chapter 11 and I suspect that’s because of a couple of factors: Jami and Holli aren’t nearly as repellent as Christopher is (they’re slightly drawn but not objectionable) and because there was some actual action happening instead of a lot of talking about action. What’s happening mostly makes sense and there’s not a lot of theological word-soup.
I’m just about halfway through this book. It is very much not a good book. I am trying to note the good bits as I come across them, but they are few and far between–most of the characters are unpleasant and cardboard-ish, I keep waiting for Jesus to show up but He’s apparently too busy hiding in my couch cushions or something, and unless Beale is trying to tell us something about blind faith with this omission, I just don’t see how he can call this a work of Christian fantasy. There’s a narrative obsession with all the details of evil, of the different demons, to the point where he’s shoving in random details that are totally unnecessary, like the Zodiac lords nonsense that I still don’t understand.
I think the literalism here is just making my head hurt. I don’t get the sense that any of this stuff is meant as a metaphor and it’s causing some cognitive dissonance and my disbelief cannot be suspended like it can with a really stellar work of fiction. I get stuck in these weird little details and fall down a Google hole and it’s just frustrating and tedious.
