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Pretty Terrible

Pop Culture Criticism by Natalie Luhrs

June 23, 2015

Bad Life Decisions: Chapters 9 & 10

#readingVD Top bookmark is how far I've read. Bottom bookmark is where I'm stopping. For now. pic.twitter.com/ba7AyDi4et

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

Want to make me read the whole thing? We’re $365 away from making that happen!

And don’t forget: for every $100 over goal, Mary Robinette Kowal will record a passage like it’s phone sex.

#readingVD Tonight I'll be reading chapters 9 & 10.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

War in Heaven, Theodore Beale

Chapter 9: That Which is Done

#readingVD I'm going in. Chapter 9: That Which is Done. Epigraph from Ecclesiastes.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD And we're back to the church-service-in-the-school-gym. So at least a break from whiny-ass Christopher.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD They are leaving the church service & going outside. Where there are more angels! Including one with a head of a lion!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD Thank GOD it's the head of a lion, because if it were lion body and head of man then it would be VERY DIFFERENT INDEED.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

(what rough beast)

#readingVD it's a Domination! Named Dominus! Or is that its title? Hard to say! Other angels are super deferential, though.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD Apparently angelic hierarchies were a Big Deal in some evangelical circles in the 80s/90s. Which explains this.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD because it's otherwise really weird, because I don't normally think angelic hierarchies & Protestantism go together.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD This is what I'm talking about re: angel hierarchies: http://t.co/nMrhlJjZdX (note, giant pop-up of the Pope happens here).

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD ALSO: I have reacquired my copy of Bruce Bawer's Stealing Jesus, which I'm excited about.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD So apparently the only reason the Fallen would want Chris is to unmake the beginning of this age. So he's a human time turner?

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD And this scares the angels, like a lot.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD The Dominion claims that Chris has been invested with a mighty power. Jami is doubtful. I gotta go with Jami here.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 22, 2015

#readingVD Mariel says that if you don't believe in evil, you'll end up serving it.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD So nothing serves the adversary as well as believing he doesn't exist. I'll note that God has hardly been mentioned.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Not the Father, the Son or the Holy Ghost. For a Christian fantasy, this book is very light on Christ.Telling, that.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD And the preacher man's come out of the service, followed by a huuuuuge angel & he has a strange aura about his head.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD and my complaints about no mentions of Jesus gets me a mention of Jesus! Via a prayer!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Holli asks why the preacher–who doesn't have a name, btw–had that funky aura & it's the flames of Pentecost.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Which, okay, but wow literalism. Wow.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Impossible to describe this passage. It's not a bad sex metaphor but it makes no sense either. pic.twitter.com/yyIhwQ1eU1

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Jami then eats her scroll and passes out. I think they got roofied by the angels.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD And they've been transported to another realm! Where there is a TALKING LION WITH WINGS.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Aha! The scroll-eating is LITERALLY from the book of Revelation. pic.twitter.com/nIXAlABWLz

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD I'm now reviewing this for future imagery indentification. http://t.co/tRaHJ9Cek7

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD The lion also talks. And he's pretty peevish.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD "…he's an angel, I'm an angel, we're all angels, you know, just doing our angel business." Ok, I like this peevish angel-lion.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD I wonder if this is the bible that Beale uses. https://t.co/5yendE9k6h

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Holli is about as deep as a kiddie swimming pool. She's babbling at lion-angel about how pretty Mariel's hair is.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Lion-angel has transformed into a hot! young! man! with blue streaks in his hair. His name is Archon Khasaratjofee.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Khasar (he says we can call him that) seems to fancy himself good w/ words. Then he tells Holli that she & her sister are chubby.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD in a kind of nasty insulting way, not in a "I am being matter of fact & describing your body shape" way. There's a difference.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD He also says that Holli & Jami–who still isn't in this scene–are daughters of Lilith, ie, humans.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Also, Khasar hasn't heard of Adam and Lilith wasn't the marrying kind. So that's the creation story we're going with? Ok.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Holli asks Khasar if they're in Oz, and he doesn't know what that is.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD No, they're in Ahura Azdha, also called Rahab the wicked because it's a very very very bad place and END CHAPTER.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Ok, went back to chapter 4 to reread the infodump there & Ahura Azdha is where the fallen angels went.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD so possibly Khasar is NOT a good angel but a BAD NAUGHTY ANGEL.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD And that's that for Chapter 9. Chapter 10 in a bit.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

So we get a deployment of the magical negro trope (remember, in the previous chapter with Holli and Jami, the preacher had been described as a black man)–he’s there to bless Jami and Holli and dispense some wisdom, but he doesn’t get a name. Or a shirt.

I mentioned on Twitter that I’d been told that angelic hierarchies were a big deal in evangelical circles back in the 80s and 90s, at which point two separate people pointed out this RPG.  I can hear the dice rolling, Beale.

This chapter really wasn’t all that bad, but one thing I’m finding frustrating is the weird mixture of things I can trace back to scripture or at least some sort of general belief on the part of evangelical fundamentalists with stuff that’s just made up or religious stuff I can’t trace back–like the daughters of Lilith thing. Everything I can find–and everything I’ve ever read on the subject–has the children of Lilith being demons, not human beings. So I don’t know if this something about the inherent sinfulness of young women or if it’s Beale trying to be clever with his angel-lion-maybe-a-demon Khasar. At any rate, it’s confusing and badly written and his editor should have made him rewrite it.

Chapter 10: Circle of Fire

#readingVD Chapter 10: Circle of Fire. Epigraph from Psalms.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD a CIRCLE of fire. Not a ring of fire. https://t.co/3me9IrE10Q

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD …and we get yet ANOTHER point of view: the Archangel Michael!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Michael is seriously put out that the Fallen have conquered Heaven and he's going to fondle his sword's hilt angrily.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Michael feels some responsibility for the failure, because Chris's Warhammer derived strategy was just too much for him.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Michael's now trying to put the blame on Jehuel, a jealous and resentful angel.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Apparently the Almighty battled the great king of Chaos, Leviathan w/ Jehuel's help & then God picked Michael as his BFF.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

(Next few tweets, I get a little bit off the track, as a whole bunch of people told me.)

#readingVD Okay, now I'm starting to wonder if Beale is a messianic "Jew"

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD bc as far as I can tell, in Christianity, Leviathan is usually the SAME as Satan but here it's clearly a different being.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Jew in quotation marks there because messianic "Jews" Are. Not. Jewish.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

(this is where corrections came in)

#readingVD Pointed out to me that in the Bible, Leviathan is never Satan, & considering that Beale is being Very Literal here…

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD it only follows that of COURSE Leviathan is a separate thing.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD It's still confusing and annoying.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD and apparently Jehuel turned coat and decided to fight with Diablo–I mean Baal Chanam.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD So basically Jehuel's defection turned the tide of the battle and Michael's hiding in the Arx Dei & he's not a happy camper.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Aw, poop. We're back to Chris's POV. Do we have to?

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Chris has taken the form of a winged Viking warrior. It's not as cool as the other guys' outfits, but it'll do.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Yay, we've gotten to the part where Lucifer is handing out medals and awesome titles! I think it's Lucifer anyhow.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Chris is hoping that maybe he can be Kaym's assistant when Kaym gets that big promotion to commander! or he can be a commander!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Because, by gum, all those war games have made him a BRILLIANT STRATEGIST.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Kaym is negging Chris, though, and basically saying that he can't be a commander bc the other fallen are already too jealous.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Ooh! Their presence has been requested! Chris has a giant shit-eating grin, Kaym smile at him faintly.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD the chamber that the Prince is using for his medal-ceremony is called the Altar of the Lamb. I wonder who THAT could be.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD "The Prince was literally glowing with the pleasure of his long-sought victory, now so nearly in his grasp."

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD The Prince offers Chris anything he wants, Chris tells him to decide.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD So Chris gets a title: "Phaoton, of the Rose Sefiroth of Sammael". But does it come with an income?

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Phaoton means "of the sun" and it's supposedly a mark of the Prince's favor.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Top google hit for "Phaoton" is someone's battle dot net ID, incidentally.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD brb laughing forever. pic.twitter.com/wLVtLnes00

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD twelfth-level mage, you guys.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Verchiel, wow. Verchiel is PISSED that Chris got a fancy title and he tells the Prince so.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD The Prince's azure eyes flash red and everyone gasps!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD it looks like the Prince is going to give Verchiel leave to challenge Chris/Phaoton. A MAGICAL DUEL YESSSSSSS.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD and Chris is super-dismayed that the Prince is going to, ahem, "throw him to the lions like that". Beale's phrasing.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD They're drawing a circle, marked with runes at four points. Chris asks Kaym for an explanation.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Kaym tells Chris that one they enter the circle, neither he nor Verchiel can leave until one has submitted to the other.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Verchiel can't actually kill Chris (darn), but he can, ahem, drain his power. The power Kaym gave him. And it'll hurt.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD And there is a shapeshifting macho taunting thing and remember one of Chris's forms is a unicorn.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Huh. If you do that with your left hand, it's a backwards L. I don't think Verchiel is the loser here. pic.twitter.com/3uCezijeHc

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH pic.twitter.com/Z8LOMpsxeW

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Can someone hold me? Please?

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

(thank you, many someones.)

#readingVD Verchiel is a lion! Chris changes into form of a Roman gladiator! No longer a defenseless Christian! (Beale's words, not mine.)

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD So Verchiel is crushing Chris's head, trying to get him to submit so Chris stabs him with his key. NO SUBTEXT THERE.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Oh, yuck. As Verchiel is submitting to Chris, Chris imagines everyone who has ever been mean to him so kills him. *poof*

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD Chris thinks that this, this adulation from the crowd is what football players must feel! They cry out for him to Manifest.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD so…Chris Manifests. As a naked copy of Prince Lucere but with rose-gold eyes instead of azure ones & then he abases himself.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD And then Lucere tells Chris that he's too clever for his own good. If this is what passes for clever, well. Well.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD golly. Looks like Lucere is going to send Chris down to be his legate in Ahura Azdha, same place his sisters are.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD and it looks like there may be some skullduggery based on the Significant Look that passes between Lucere & Kaym.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

#readingVD And that's the end of Chapter 10. I can't wait to see what hijinks we get up to next!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) June 23, 2015

I feel like I am being hit over the head with not-so-sub subtext. ENOUGH WITH THE MAGIC GROWING KEY ALREADY. And with the fact that Chris is totally getting played by the fallen angels. We know that.

And, I suppose, as tedious as all this is at least there’s not a weird obsession with telephones (Fred Clark’s dissection of those books was part of my inspiration for this project. He’s much better at it than I am, much much much better).

But looking back at these two chapters together, it looks like Holli and Jami might have been sent to Rahab in anticipation of Chris’s arrival, so perhaps our two plots will come together. I’m 160 pages in and it really doesn’t feel like a whole lot has happened yet.  Lots of moving pieces around, a lot of exposition, but not a lot of action.

I also feel like this is a mish-mash of a bunch of different things and there’s no one unifying theology. I find it upsetting that this is a book about spiritual warfare and there’s been precious little God so far–but then again, that shouldn’t surprise me. I do think it’s very, very, very telling, though. Very.

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Filed Under: Bad Life Decisions Natalie Luhrs

About Natalie Luhrs

I'm a lifelong geek with a passion for books and social justice.

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Bad Life Decisions: Chapters 11 & 12

Comments

  1. --E says

    June 23, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    Excuse me, but why is there no Fury Road screen at the top of the post?

    • Natalie Luhrs says

      June 23, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      Because I was so miserable and ready for bed by the end of Chapter 10 that I completely forgot until you mentioned it.

      🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁

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Hello! I’m Natalie Luhrs. I write about books and culture and whatever else strikes my fancy. I have so many opinions.

I was a nominee for the Best Fan Writer Hugo in 2017.

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