Only $105 more to my goal of $2,000 for RAINN (or equivalent organizations)! Can we do it? I sure hope so, because once I hit the last paid-for page, I’m done–in fact, if you’ve been meaning to donate and haven’t yet, I suggest you do so now: I won’t be counting anything sent to me after this Friday, July 31.
#readingVD On deck tonight: Chapters 23 and 24! These are Christopher/Kaym chapters.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD But first, an important announcement. Friday, July 31, is the LAST DAY that donations to RAINN (or equivalent) will be counted.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD so if you have been meaning to donate, please do so soon. Instructions are here: http://t.co/8HRpZ6jafU
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
Chapter 23: Silence in Darkness
#readingVD Here we go! Chapter 23: Silence in Darkness. Epigraph from Psalms.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD Chris arrives at the camp of the Fallen! Where everyone is swollen with power and unruly anticipation of their victory!
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD Chris is met by Melusine, who kisses him fervently and almost distracts him from finding Kaym.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD There are rumors he might get a promotion! And he is SUPER POPULAR NOW. And has the hottest girl in school on his arm.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD This is like the most demonic workplace ever. Chris literally asks Melusine what Kaym's job title is.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD And she can't remember (teehee) but all that really matters is one be in favor with the boss.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD Chris then pats her perfect butt, which is currently lacking a tail. And she doesn't have her horns either.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD "Carpe diem, he thought with savage pleasure. Seize the day, and the devil-girl, too!" ACTUAL QUOTE.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD Chris, you are gross.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD However, Chris is SO NOTORIOUS now, that Kaym comes to find him–clad in his motocycle jacket and RayBans. Swoony!
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 27, 2015
#readingVD oh no! Kaym may be a wee bit miffed with Chris for rocking out so hard with Leviathan! Chris detects a certain coolness.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD wait I thought these guys were the rebels. Also I note that Chris is but an afterthought here. pic.twitter.com/pZWSnb5T1S
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Kaym is to bring Chris to the Prince and since Beale sucks at worldbuilding, surprise! The courts have moved! Because ~magic~!
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Sudden segue to the Prince's POV! He's feeling very smug. Very, very smug.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD And refers to Chris as that "useful mortal from the Adamite future" WAIT THERE ARE MULTIPLE TIMELINES.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD IT SEEMS TO ME THAT PAGE 321 IS A BIT LATE TO BRING THAT PIECE OF INFO INTO PLAY, BEALE.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD The Prince is so shiny that Chris falls to his knees and stuff has begs him to turn the lights down.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Lust for power in aisle three. pic.twitter.com/0OkyLjBHP2
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Chris is a little insecure in his new authority, so the Prince helps out by MAKING HIM SHINY. Melusine is v. impressed.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD I'll be under my desk sobbing into this bottle of vodka. pic.twitter.com/3Ye7BuE5HK
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
This is the point where, in my mentions, tons of people declared Theodore Beale to be a Fake Geek Guy. I can’t say I disagree.
#readingVD This bottle of vodka to be precise. pic.twitter.com/Cjm0PC5AWA
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Kaym is definitely jealous/resentful of Chris's promotion.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD I'm sorry. How does one mangle a Star Wars reference that badly? How? HOW.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD But sadly, the glory only lasts for a moment and the golden shine disappears and everyone gets weak and their skin cracks.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD "As Christopher looked on with horror, the Prince's skin was suddenly transformed from supple gold to a horny red substance…"
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD So the Prince points weakly up to the ceiling and we get to see what's happening in Ahura Azda.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Which is a petty, prideful picture of wealth & decadence that rivals Nero's Rome in case anyone was wondering.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD What's happening is Gabriel with scales that have a sword on one side and a dove on another.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD AND THE SENTENCE OF DEATH IS UPON THIS WORLD because they chose unwisely.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD This is basically what I'm imagining. https://t.co/qj6rzHhtKy
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD so now there's a black rain falling and people are screaming and stuff. The Lord's righteous wrath is upon them.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Wait. A continuity error! Gabriel took the sword off the scale and made it disappear….
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD but on the next page, he picks it up off the scales and throws it at the blasphemers.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Gabriel destroys the temple to Lucifer and this is apparently only the beginning of the wrath of the Lord.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD and with that, the city of Rahab was broken into "millions and millions of pieces" I am not even joking that is a quote.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD correction: Rahab was the PLANET, not the city.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD and now there's a void there, so apparently Gabriel is Darth Vader and the Lord is Emperor Palpatine?
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD END CHAPTER 23.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
Jesus Mary and Joseph how the hell do you mix up C3PO and R2-D2? How is that even possible? Also, I seem to recall that Holli and Jami and a bunch of Godly folk were also on Rahab, I sure hope they got magicked out before Gabriel went all wrath of God on them.
This chapter’s a hot mess, there are continuity errors all over the place, lots of telling and not showing and what is pretty literally a deus ex machina at the end of the chapter. Every time I think the book can’t get worse, it does.
Chapter 24: The Light of Truth
#readingVD Chapter 24: The Light of Truth. Epigraph from 2 Kings.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Chris comes to, discovers he almost got crushed by a piece of marble falling from the ceiling , then looks over at Lucifer.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Lucifer is all scary looking now, like a demon from a Megadeth cover.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD I just spent the last 5 minutes trying to find a Megadeth album cover pre-1999 that would work & none of them do.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD query: was Beale familiar with Megadeth's oeuvre or just picking out a band that a loser kid would probably like?
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD I may be overthinking this.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Reddened eyes blazing with rage, cracked red skin, etc.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD And now Lucifer is having a temper tantrum. How DARE the Lord of Heaven do this to him HOW DARE HE.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD (this is a decent summary of the shitty dialogue)
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD "Thou hast destroyed My world and broken My temple, but why didst Thou need to steal My beauty!"
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD someone get Lucifer a cool washcloth, he needs a bit of a break from this hard hard life.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Lucifer is crying, y'all.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD COMEDY GOLD pic.twitter.com/FzGVObiu9l
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Now listening to this awesome song. https://t.co/AcYfQgWk5N
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Wait a minute. In the VERY NEXT SCENE, Lucifer is all pretty again. WHY THE CARRYING ON, THEN?
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD I am pretty sure at this point the editor stopped caring.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Then Lucifer gives his version of a St. Crispin's Day speech and it's about as terrible as you'd expect.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD And then they all see idealized versions of themselves reflected back at them and they all start, um, worshipping themselves.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD then they sing. Of course they sing.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD and Lucifer is all ahahahaha I am just like God now and then! JESUS-KHASAR ENTERS THE SCENE.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD will we finally have a Jesus/Lucifer smackdown? Finally?
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Also Jesus has brown skin, white hair, and red eyes. In case anyone forgot.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Lucifer SPUTTERS as Jesus basically tells him to STFU.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD It's a RAP BATTLE. pic.twitter.com/wzcw0P6YTh
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD I think I misstated Jesus's alias before–it's Kherev, not Khasar. Khasar is the lion-angel.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Abaddon challenges Jesus with his sword, SOULTHIRSTER with it's ivory handle of chaosbane & eerie flickering ebon flames…
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Step away from the game manuals, Beale, and no one will get hurt.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Jesus gives his name as Kherev Elohai, which Lucifer translates as Sword of the Lord for us.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD I has a homemade from scratch bao! Yay! pic.twitter.com/cHLSU6hHIE
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Jesus and Abaddon are dueling now. More along the lines of smack talk than anything else so far.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD have a video https://t.co/iSSKIO3rnB
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD I am feeling refreshed after my sojourn into early 80s Michael Jackson, onwards.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Kherev makes Abaddon's sword disappear, which makes Abaddon sad because that was him and Lucifer's craft project together.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD then Abaddon tries to smite Jesus with a dark lightning bolt jsut Jesus is all "You have no power over me" and–
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD so is Abaddon the Goblin King? pic.twitter.com/WhWUO0SzvE
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Then, like, the ground opens under Abaddon's feet and it's bye bye Abaddon. Chris is dumbfounded.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Then Jesus starts to sings and his skin turns from bronze to gold to bright white and and and and and no.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD also, Jesus totally outshines Lucifer.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Lucifer continues his temper tantrum and Jesus stands up and begins to grow? CONFUSED I AM.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Jesus shoots a beam of light out of his hand and exposes Lucifer's ugliness and Chris throws up. Even Kaym looks a bit off-put.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD So Lucifer steals Chris's ride (Leviathan) and leaves everyone behind. I bet he's gonna go cry in his room.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD And the sky opens and there are thousands of white-clad angels, ready to KICK ASS.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD THERE ARE SIX HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX LEGIONS OF THE FALLEN, Y'ALL.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD "It was like watching a hot knife slice through butter" Great simile, Beale. So original.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD The fallen angels are getting their asses kicked, in other words.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD Kaym and Chris abandon the Anakhim to die–they are, in Kayn's words, "toast".
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD But first, a heart-rending little scene between Chris and one of the Anakhim in which the ur-mortal begs not to be left behind.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD And Chris calls him names and cuts off his hand and then the ur-mortal dies and Chris runs off to be with Kaym.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
#readingVD and on that cheerful note, that is the end of Chapter 24.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 28, 2015
I don’t think I have any more words in me about this book tonight. This is just terrible. There’s 50 more pages and I have no idea how it’s possible to redeem Christopher as a character at this point–he’s just so terrible and while grace may be unearned, this is supposed to be a work of fiction, not theology. And we expect our works of fiction to hang together in some sort of coherent way and this just doesn’t.
