Tonight on #readingVD: Chapters 21 & 22, which are mercifully short (chapters 23 & 24 are…not).
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 20, 2015
Just a reminder, that I'm still $180 short of the goal which means that I'm near the end of #readingVD http://t.co/8HRpZ6jafU
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 20, 2015
(Which for most of you is probably a feature, not a bug. #readingVD)
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 20, 2015
Chapter 21: River of Fire
#readingVD Chapter 21: River of Fire. Epigraph from Luke. More New Testament!
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 20, 2015
#readingVD Jami climbs off Khasar's back and goes to hang out with Holli at the side of a large marble pool.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 20, 2015
#readingVD Lokhael is waiting for someone but won't tell Jami who. Godot, perhaps?
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 20, 2015
#readingVD Apparently understanding takes time and it's not always important to have answers right away. Ok then.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 20, 2015
#readingVD Oh, they're somehow in Heaven now. I was wondering about the marble pool.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 20, 2015
#readingVD which Holli declares to be a bit too Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous for her taste. So Robin Leach is God?
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD So if they're in Heaven, does that mean 1) they're dead and 2) maybe some Jesus soon?
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD OH MY GOD I THINK IT IS JESUS.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Page 299. That's when we first get Jesus-sign in this terrible book.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD This sure sounds like Jesus, right? pic.twitter.com/nTkCLTaGBn
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD however, in the next paragraph, the maybe-Jesus is described as having blood-red irises which is a LITTLE DISTURBING.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Maybe-Jesus dismisses the angels and then smiles warmly at the girls. The 14 year old girls. This isn't creepy at all.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Maybe-Jesus's hair is long & white & a little bit unkempt. When combined with the red eyes… Eeeeek.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD …and he's answering questions with questions. That's not annoying.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Maybe-Jesus's name is Kherev Elohai and the entire first page of Google results for that are for someone playing EVE Online.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD But I'm pretty sure that Kherev Elohai is Jesus since he says he's the Son of the King of Heaven.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Jami doesn't believe him and calls out his creepy red eyes and Kherev's response is to manhandle them and threaten a story.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Kherev is a terrible Jesus is what I'm saying.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD And now it's time for a parable. Pages and pages of a parable. About wheat and weeds and why God lets evil flourish.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD the weeds will be thrown into a fiery furnace and the weeds are sinners so BURN BABY BURN.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Kherev-Jesus is sad that sinners have to be burned, but His Father hates sin and evil so burnnnnnnnnnn
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD (I'll note here that I am a universalist so the idea of people going to hell is something I don't believe in.)
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Oh, hey, Jami asks how people who don't know about Jesus or to look for him are supposed to know.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD and in response, Kherev-Jesus has her gaze into his creepy eyes and he does a mind-whammy on her, basically. And she apologizes.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Oh! Kherev-Jesus does this by pouring his Spirit out all over the nations and I guess this is why we have missionaries?
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Kherev-Jesus asks Holli if she'd like His Spirit to fill her so she can call on it whenever she wants.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD This just sounds inappropriate and gross.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD So after this creepy interlude, they go for a wilderness walk and discover a roaring river of silvery-red fire.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD And Kherev-Jesus wants them to go bathe in the silvery-red river of fire.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Jami is, understandably, DUBIOUS.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Jami is about to lose her shit when Holli yells some hokey-pokey-ish directions at her and she calms down.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD and now Kherev-Jesus has her call out to and angel names Shannis–or Thelael–to show herself.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Shannis is an arrogant lady-angel, clad in nothing but a smoke bikini.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Shannis wants Jami to come with her to the Dark Side, but Jami's having none of that…
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD & so Shannis disappears in a puff of sulfuric smoke.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD So Jami jumps into the fiery river and discovers that it's actually a refreshing and cool pool of water.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD She calls for Holli to join her but Holli already jumped in.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Then they speak in tongues because they are so full of the Spirit.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Jami is happy because she's not a weed anymore, but she's also more than wheat because she's all baptized and stuff now.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Holli and Jami are Officially Saved, they have their Get Out Of Hell Free card.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Like, I know this is part of the concept of grace but I struggle with it. Being saved doesn't mean you get to be a jackass.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Then all the other angels come back and it's off to the battle, I think.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
Jesus finally showed up! And it wasn’t Khasar!
This is basically the chapter in which Jesus tells a story about weeds and wheat and burning weeds in furnaces and then Jami and Holli jump in some water and get baptized. I suspect the diffident way in which they accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior is meant to illustrate faith and the importance of it but it felt way more like them getting a Get Out of Hell Free Card and that’s just not my sort of thing at all.
Chapter 22: The King Comes Back
#readingVD Chapter 22: The King Comes Back. Epigraph from Luke.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD What the fuck? We get a new POV character this late in the book? Koser, from a few chapters ago.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Koser, after the fall of the Tower of Qawah, knows what it is to despair.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD I'll note that I learned what true despair was when I started reading this pile of shit.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Koser is doing a bit of infodumping about how they were promised victory if they were faithful but then Lucifer won ANYHOW.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Can't say that I care much about Koser's man-pain or despair here.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD Matraya has sent the rider in the green cloak to demand submission from Koser bc of Plot Reasons.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD So basically this chapter is Koser wrestling with temptation.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD And I gotta say, Bujold did this better in Memory.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD That bit where Harosh offers Miles exactly what he wants and Miles has to wrestle with it. Brilliant.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD This book, less brilliant. Much less brilliant.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD mainly because what Matraya is offering is worthless.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD but wait! Father Havtah notices this sad-ass temptation and begins praying! In anger!
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD And since Koser has decided to not give in to temptation, Matraya is totally going to level the town. Level it!
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD blah blah blah battle starts then there's a trumpet and some fancy slo mo visual effects
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD and suddenly, there are angels and Koser falls to his knees in teary and worshipful relief and then there is singing.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD this is the worst scene of despair temptation rejection of temptation and then deus ex machina ever.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD and as Koser sings along, somehow his body is TRANSFORMED INTO GLORIOUS GODLY VESSEL OF THE LIGHT. Is he dead?
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
#readingVD I have no idea and I don't care and that's the end of the chapter and Theodore Beale can bite me I hate this book so much.
— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 21, 2015
I think this book has officially broken me. This chapter was pretty much pointless except that Beale needed to show someone actually having faith in their darkest moment so he picks a third string character for the dark moment. This really only works if the dark moment happens to one of your main characters. We’re not invested in Koser and why should we be concerned if he and all those he cares about are about to be leveled flat by Lucifer’s army? I am so not invested in this character or his fate.
And on that cheerful cheerful note, that’s it for this week unless I feel like reading more tonight and I’m thinking probably not. Fifty more pages. I can do this.
I just imagine David Tennant’s Doctor saying his “I’m sorry” line over and over in response to you tackling this book. I mean I’m thoroughly enjoying your recaps and tweets, but jeez it really does sound so painful to read. You better treat yourself something fierce once this is all over!
Well, it’s been a long time since Hebrew school, but I was curious enough to try to decipher this mess. So “keruv” could mean angel, as in cherub; on the other hand it could mean cabbage, so who knows. “Kerav” means battle. Elohai means “God of” — I think, like I said, it’s been a long time. So I think he’s going for “Lord of Battles” (which would explain the creepy red eyes) but he got it backwards — it should be more like Elohai Kerav (or keravim, if he’s going for plural). I’m not at all surprised he got it wrong — I’ve heard his Latin is equally terrible.