Bad Life Decisions: Chapters 19 & 20

Fundraising status: $1,820/$2,000. I will note that the Author’s Note is really something special.

So @eilatan isn't fooling anyone. She loves this book! You can tell! #ReadingVD pic.twitter.com/JZudcQ2IhB

— Crystal Huff (@arisiacrystal) July 10, 2015

It is time. #readingVD

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 15, 2015

War in Heaven, Theodore Beale

Chapter 19: Last Days of the Faithful

#readingVD Chapter 19: Last Days of the Faithful. Epigraph from Genesis.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 15, 2015

#readingVD Jami is tired from flying, she prefers to ride Khasar over Jhofor, bc Khasar makes jokes. Or something.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 15, 2015

#readingVD They're coming to some city, there are spires and oppressively invisible demons and zzzzzz sorry I fell asleep.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 15, 2015

#readingVD then they dive to the ground and there's lots of arrows and Jami tells Khasar to make them invisible and he can't.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 15, 2015

#readingVD And it's less can't and more won't because Gabriel told him not to bc IT IS NOT IN THE PROPHECY.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 15, 2015

#readingVD Page 267, folks. Just now finding out about a PROPHECY.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 15, 2015

#readingVD *listens carefully for dice rolling*

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 15, 2015

#readingVD Have I mentioned that I have no perspective at all on this piece of shit book anymore? Because I don't.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Khasar gets hit with an arrow. The embedded shaft doesn't slow him down, though.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD "Ohmigod! That was too close. She concentrated on breathing, on hanging onto Khasar's mane as he howled in pain."

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Khasar has taken ANOTHER arrow for Jami and yet he still keeps flying. This is dumb.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Trumpets are trumping and the sky goes dark. Oh boy.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD So it's like an eclipse or something and now the archers can't see them. But there are still stars shining?

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Khasar is okay, though, because he has some sort of divine nature and even though arrows hurt, he won't die.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Oh no, some stranger has heard Holli and Jami talking in the darkness! Oh no!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Then! The sun comes back and Khasar and Jhofor disappear, leaving Jami and Holli to deal with this on their own.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD some angels these assholes are, leaving two 14 year old girls to the mercy of a bunch of Lucifer-worshippers.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD These dudes are very confused that Jami and Holli look alike.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Also the flying in on lions and the eclipse-thing have frightened them.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD They think that the girls may be witches, shapeshifters, demons, or ALL THREE.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD And, of course, they begin to interrogate Jami but won't let her actually speak. For fear she might bewitch them.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD and apparently the ONLY WAY to determine if they are witches is to chop their heads off?

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD BUT LUCKILY! They are saved by a querelous old man who calls the solders a bunch of stupid poopyheads.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD oh, these aren't Lucifer-worshippers, they're misguided Faithful. Whew.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Old man says Holli & Jami are their salvation. Suuuuuuuure.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD So one of these soldier-dudes is named Koser. This isn't confusing at all.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Actual dialogue: "Kill the witch!"

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD The prophecy is from the book Hatsallah Anshei. which looks like it might be mangled Hebrew.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD There's eye-rolling, but on the part of the old man, not the teenaged girls.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD The prophecy is also terrible poetry. pic.twitter.com/6oNYb7s6eh

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Oh, yay, this makes the soldiers stop wanting to kill Holli and Jami. Also Holli can see the demons but no one else can.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD And now all the angels are back. They are such assholes.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD blah blah blah divine light the people think Holli and Jami are angels blah blah blah

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD And of course Holli & Jami have to tell them they're not & there is bitter disappointment and here comes Matraya's army!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD But the old man–whose name is Father Havtah–says they can come pray with him.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD The praying seems to have worked, though, because after a tiny break, we're told it did.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD also, Father Havtah made sacrifices but we don't know what they are. Goats? Babies? WHO KNOWS.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD But they shouldn't be happy that they've won, because this was first attempt, they didn't even have to contend with FIRE ARROWS.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD All this prayer is tiring! Holli and Jami are directed to a place where they can sleep and CHAPTER END.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

So, yeah. They end up in a city and Holli and Jami are first mistaken for witches and then for angels and they they’re sent off with an old man to pray while the men fight. That is pretty much everything that happens in this chapter. If I were Beale’s editor, I’d make him rewrite this nonsense so the girls have a more active role instead of just being convenient game pieces that he gets to move around at whim. I am so tired of their lack of agency and the way that they just aren’t active characters.

And Khasar is a total jackass with this appearing and disappearing bullshit.

Chapter 20: A Moment of Truth

#readingVD Chapter 20: A Moment of Truth. Epigraph from 1 John. OMG IT IS THE NEW TESTAMENT.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Jami wakes up way too early and it very sore from sleeping on a hard floor. Apparently no one had a spare bed.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Also Khasar is kneeling next to her, glowing and looking serious.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD note that this isn't really any sort of description at all. pic.twitter.com/NUAKPZ30a0

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD apparently the prayers were super-helpful, as prayer helps God unleash His power on the world.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Is that a thing? I mean, this seems to be making God too dependent on people to be good theology.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD YOU TELL IT LIKE IT IS, GIRL. pic.twitter.com/xuHeEZ7EVe

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD there's a powerful spirit coming! I sense a convergence of our two plot lines!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Jami is still mad, though. She isn't sure God exists, so Holli points out that she believes in gravity which she also can't see.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD also if they were going to run away, where would they go to? so they might as well stick around and, like, pray or something.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD wait, maybe the girls are going to get to do something other than pray? I AM CONFUSED.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD But they definitely need to trust in the Lord even though they could choose not to.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD the whole city is praying for them now to do…whatever it is they're going to do.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Jami is willing to do it alone, though. So Holli can stay safe. Or something. Who knows.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Holli and Jami have a tender sister-ish moment as Holli says she's going with Jami to…do whatever it is they're going to do.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Seriously, the text is really unclear as to what they're doing. And the prophecy is no help, either.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD And now it's time to do the indeterminate thing! There's a big scary army! And a GIANT MONSTER!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD NO COMMENT. pic.twitter.com/EJoKY2AjC8

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD *sobs brokenly*

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD I think this is supposed to be Leviathan. Which means we do have plotlines converging. Small yay?

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Jami has mistaken Leviathan's rider for a GOLDEN WHISKER.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Also, we get way more description of what Leviathan looks like than we have of many other characters.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Holli recognizes the rider as Chris! Except, well, he's all grown up and hot but ANGRY. Also not wearing armor.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD "Despite the impossible steroid-stud body, it was her brother bearing down on them."

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD also I am super angry at this book because I could be reading @maxgladstone's new book right now AND YET HERE I AM.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Chris is also carrying his golden lance. And his sister's can't get his attention.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Holli knew it was Chris bc the dude on Leviathan looked just like him when he's playing his games. With the yelling.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Chris is able to make Leviathan not cream Holli and Jami and they fly off and this is what they were supposed to do?

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD there is a lot of Lord-praising happening for prayers being answered and I don't know how this moves the plot.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD And I guess that this had something to do with the Lady's vision and I don't even know.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD So I guess if the Lord can be bothered to spare the twins, then He might want to help out the people of the town.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD this seems like a lot of convoluted logic. Also, still no Jesus.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD and now, the last part of this chapter is from Chris's POV.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Chris feels some shame at his ridiculous appearance and makes his battle horns go away and shrinks his muscles. BATTLE HORNS.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Chris is pretty sure that he hallucinated his sisters.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Hey look more battles that happen off-page, this time with bonus dead girls. pic.twitter.com/DkbAIMrarE

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD I am really bothered by that bit–Chris apparently helped wipe out an entire community symbolized by a young girl.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD So so so so much telling.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Apparently the whole power infusion thing is being called Illumination. Coined on page 294.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Chris is now able to shoot lightning bolts from his fingertips and he doesn't care about consequences.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD Chris's power has grown since Hamath, since the sacrifice of 12,000 lives. He's monstrous.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD And now–only now–does Chris's little golden key begin to burn him.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD He doesn't understand! It had been so helpful to him, his little growing golden key!

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015

#readingVD But he throws it away anyhow, spitting a curse, and a dark spirit buries it 1000 feet underground.

— Imperator Nataliosa (@eilatan) July 16, 2015